Five months have passed since Cillay began seeing the therapist. She slowly began to heal from the abuse both physically and emotionally.
During one of her sessions, Dr. Wilson had tried to help Cillay understand from where her low self-esteem stemmed.
“Cillay, how old were you when you were adopted?,” she asked?
“I was two.”, Cillay answered.
“Your adoptive parents passed away when you were ten. They were killed by a drunk driver , weren’t they?”, she asked.
“Yes. He struck them head on, and they were killed instantly.”, Cillay told her.
“Do you blame yourself for their deaths?”, Dr. Wilson asked.
“Of course, I know in my head that I am not responsible. But sometimes I think that if it had not been for me and that school play, they would not have been killed.”, she answered.
“Did you force the driver of the other car to get drunk, get behind the wheel of the car and drive?”, Dr. Wilson reasoned.
“No, of course not!,” she said.
“That’s right. He could just as easily have hit your parents at some other time. The fault is his, not yours. Everytime you start to feel guilty, remind yourself of that. You have to change the pattern of your thinking.”, Dr. Wilson told her.
” I’m sure that your parents were very proud of you. Wouldn’t they be proud of the woman that you are today?”, she asked Cillay.
Cillay thought about it for a few moments. “I think that they would be proud of me now, but not when I was with Tony.”, she answered.
“Are you proud of yourself?”, Dr. Wilson asked.
“In some ways, I am. My job is going very well.”, Cillay said.
“What about your relationship with Jim?”, she asked.
“It’s confusing.”, she said. “I really love him and I think he loves me too, but we seem to be stuck. We don’t seem to be going to the next level. I think on some subconcious level, he is beginning to see that I am not good enough for him.”, Cillay said, her voice trembling.
“I’m sure that’s not it, Cillay.”, Dr. Wilson told her. “That’s all the time we have today, but I would like to have an extra session with you this week. Bring Jim with you. I have a slot free tomorrow afternoon, if that will work for you.”, she said.
“I’ll have to check with Jim, but I think that will be fine.”, she told her.
Dr. Wilson gave Cillay a quick hug. “Everything is going to be okay Cillay.”, she assured her. “You are making great progress!”, she reassured her.
When Cillay returned home, Jim was upstairs watching television in one of the spare bedrooms. She joined him on the bed. He pulled her close, and they cuddled together.
“Dr. Wilson wants you to come in with me tomorrow for a couple’s session.”, she told him.
“Sure, that’s fine.,” he told her. “How did it go today?”
“She said I am making great progress.”, Cillay answered.
Jim began kissing Cillay, and then they started making out.
After a minute or so, he pulled away from her like he always did. Cillay got up from the bed.
“Cillay!”, Jim called out to her.
“It’s okay, Jim. I’m going to bed.”, she told him. This time she went to bed in one of the other spare rooms rather than in the master bedroom which they had shared for the last few months.
The next day at lunch time, Cillay headed to the Bistro to have lunch alone. Usually, Jim arranged his schedule so that he could have lunch with Cillay, but today his meeting was running late. He was very disappointed because, she still seemed to be upset about whatever he had done the night before.
Cillay found a free table outside. She wasn’t very hungry, and so she ordered an autumn salad. It was another beautiful, warm day. The vegetables in her salad were nice and crisp, just the way she liked them.
She was enjoying her meal until she started to feel uncomfortable, as though she were being watched. She had grown used to men looking at her, but this felt different.
She looked around her until she met the eyes of the man who was the source of her discomfort.
When he saw her looking at him, he smirked at her and blew her a kiss. She started trembling. There was something not quite right about him. She quickly paid her bill and went back to the courthouse to work.
After work, she joined Jim; and they headed over to Dr. Wilson’s office.
As he drove, Jim asked Cillay, “Why are you so quiet today? Is there something wrong?”
Cillay debated whether or not to tell Jim about the man at the Bistro, but decided against it. He was probably just another girl watcher.
“There’s nothing wrong. I’m fine, Jim.”, she answered him.
Jim knew that there was something bothering her and hoped that Dr. Wilson would be able to get her to open up and tell them what it was.
After they arrived, Dr. Wilson ushered them into her office. After they were seated, she started the session.
“Well”, she said looking at them both. “How have things been going?”
“Jim just got promoted!”, Cillay told her proudly. “He is now a local representative.
“Well congratulations, Jim!,” Dr. Wilson told him.
“Thank you.”, he told her. Jim knew that unless he and Cillay married or she found her own place, he probably would not progress much further.
Her warmth and kind heart had won over many of the people who had been gossiping about their living arrangements. It also didn’t hurt that the governor was fond of her, but that was not going to help if he wanted to continue to advance.
“I’m very happy for Jim, but I was actually referring to your relationship. How is that going?”, Dr. Wilson explained.
Jim looked at Cillay, and Cillay looked straight ahead not meeting his gaze.
“The basis for any strong relationship is honesty. You have to let each other know how you feel.”, Dr. Wilson told them kindly. “Cillay, why don’t you start. Tell Jim what you told me last night.”
Cillay remained silent.
“Please, Cillay.” , Jim encouraged her.
Tears started to fall silently down her cheeks. Dr. Wilson handed her some tissue.
Cillay composed herself and then started to speak. “Jim I love you more than anyone else in the world. I believe that you love me too.”
Jim started to interrupt, but Dr. Wilson held up her hand to stop him.
“But maybe that love is not enough. I think that deep down you are starting to realize that I am not good enough for you. You know that I am damaged goods . That’s why you always draw back from me, why you don’t want to make love to me.”, she told him.
” If my past with Tony ever comes out, then you would be involved in a big scandal that could ruin your career. I think that we should end our relationship now, before any more damage is done.”, she finished, sobbing again.
Jim looked at her stunned by her words. He had no idea she had misinterpreted his actions.
“Jim, please tell Cillay how you feel.,” Dr. Wilson told him.
“Cillay, please look at me!,” he said. “From the first moment that I saw you, I have loved you. You are the most special, wonderful person I have ever known. I have never once thought of you as damaged goods. You are precious to me.”, he told her, then paused.
” Because of the way that Tony treated you, I didn’t want to rush the physical side of our relationship.,” Jim continued, ” I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with me. Of course I want to make love to you! I have wanted to every second of every day since I first met you. I pull back before I am unable to control myself!”, Jim said.
” I mean this even more now than the first time I told you. You are more important to me than any job. I won’t let you go!”, he told her firmly.
Cillay looked into Jim’s eyes and knew that he genuinely meant everything that he had told her. She smiled at him lovingly, and he grasped her hand in his.
Dr. Wilson cleared her throat drawing their attention back to her. She was smiling, beaming at them like a proud mother.
” Just remember to always be honest with each other and you will have a strong, lasting relationship.,” she reminded them. “Now, Cillay, if you will wait outside, I’d like to speak with Jim alone for just a few moments.”
After Cillay had gone, Dr. Wilson turned to Jim.
“Jim, as I understand it she has only been intimate with one other person and that was Tony. Is that correct?”, she asked him.
” Your instinct to take it slow with her was correct, however she wants to take your relationship further now. I’m sure that I don’t have to tell you this, but make sure that you are gentle and loving with her. At times, she may have unpleasant flashbacks to her times with Tony. Don’t give up on her, and you will be fine.”, she instructed him.
“Do you have anything that you want to discuss?”, she asked him.
Jim was quiet for a few moments, trying to find the right words.
“I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Cillay. I realize that we haven’t known each other very long, but I want to ask her to marry me. I know that she loves me too, and I think that our marriage would give her a sense of security that she has not had since her parents died.”, Jim said.
“Ordinarily, Jim, I would say that it is way too soon, but I think that you are right. Cillay would be happy. I think you should ask her, but give her time to think about her answer.” she told him.
“Thank you for all of your help, Dr. Wilson.”, Jim said, rising from his chair.
“It was my pleasure. I consider you and Cillay as my friends and not just patients. I hope you both feel the same.”, she said.
“We do. Goodnight.,” he told her and went to find Cillay.
Cillay was quiet again on the ride home. She kept stealing glances at Jim and whenever he’d look her way, she’d turn her head in the other direction. Jim smiled to himself, knowing she was embarassed about what she had revealed during the session.
After they arrived home, Jim dismissed the babysitter and went to find Cillay. She was watching television.
“Cillay, may I talk with you for a moment?”, he asked her.
“Alright.”, she said and turned off the TV.
“Cillay, don’t be embarassed about what you said during the session tonight. Those desires are only natural and I’m very thankful that you have them for me. I want our first time together to be special. So let me make some special arrangements for us, okay?”, he said.
“I’ll try not to be embarassed. What special arrangements?”, she asked him.
“Let me surprise you!”, he answered with a smile. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”, he said.
They checked on Richard and then went to bed.
Meanwhile in Sunset Valley,
Antonio Sanders finally received the phone call that he had been waiting to receive for more than five months . The private investigator that he had hired to find Cillay was finally earning that high fee he had charged. He had found Cillay!
“Fed Ex the pictures and everything you have on her to me tonight. Don’t forget that newspaper article.”, Antonio told the private investigator. ” It is about time you got off your butt and did your job!”, he said and hung up on him.
Antonio smiled to himself. “Soon you’ll be back in my arms and in my bed Cillay.”, he thought out loud.